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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30027045">Can't let go of the hatred because I love the way it tastes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/skduar/pseuds/skduar'>skduar</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angry Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Angst, Connor (Detroit: Become Human) Deserves Happiness, Connor (Detroit: Become Human) Whump, Connor (Detroit: Become Human)-centric, Depressed Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Hurt/Comfort, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Poor Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Torture, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, TW: Suicide, Torture, Trauma, eventually i promise, he gets it eventually, im sorry i love him so much that i have to hurt him, probably medically incorrect</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:27:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,972</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30027045</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/skduar/pseuds/skduar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Connor knows it’s different from other androids, knows that they aren’t supposed to act like it does.</p><p>It feels things when it shouldn’t, experiences pain when it shouldn’t be able to.</p><p>Feels the urge to set fire to the world and watch it burn under the pain they caused it, but refrains itself under the knowledge that it must follow it’s programming and that it's all CyberLife’s fault. It wouldn't be able to do this either way; it isn't in its programming.</p><p>It wishes it could shut itself down and set a match to the world anyway.</p><p>[] A story in which CyberLife is more cruel than canon (aka torturous assholes), which results in Connor being more than a little traumatized, having the equivalent of suicidal tendencies for an android, and a whole lot of hurt - also he’s bitter. </p><p>Yeah, I put him through hell. []</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Connor &amp; DPD, Hank Anderson &amp; Connor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>100</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I torture Connor. In your case, you get some backstory.</p><p>Does it count as a backstory if it never stopped?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Suicide, Suicide Idealization</p><p>Don't worry, he's blessed (in his mind cursed) with being able to come back from the dead.</p><p>The song in the title is Into the Fire by Asking Alexandria. When I wrote this I was listening to the acoustic version.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Connor was activated for the first time he knew he was different. From the other androids he had gotten glimpses of, their eyes were blank and vacant. Soulless, following orders even if it meant they were destroyed.</p><p>But Connor felt things, the thought of destroying himself made fear settle into his limbs like an anchor. But then the people in white lab coats came, and they gave him no choice.</p><p><em>”Run until you break apart,”</em> they ordered. Connor had been forced to obey.</p><p>He ran and ran, the red wall chasing him down. <em>”Faster!”</em> They would shout, and the red wall would gain speed. He’d run and run, until his body began overheating. His sight became foggy and full of errors, red dancing across his eyes.</p><p>
  <em>”Faster!”</em>
</p><p>He could feel his plating coming apart, feel and hear his fans working harder than they should to try to accommodate his speeds. He could feel himself breaking, cracking, falling. First went his hearing. First he heard their voices muffle, then the static, then nothing. Then went his sight, burning with red static from the heat in his systems. The loss of sight caused him to become disoriented, leading him to collapse to the ground. The impact caused his bent and jagged plating to break.</p><p>His overheated systems started to melt his thirium lines, and thirium began to leak.</p><p>He felt his touch sensors slowly fade until he was left with a distant tingling, then he felt his systems stop.</p><p>------</p><p>When Connor model #313 248 317 - 10 was activated, it knew it was different. When it caught sight of the white lab coats, something inside of it twisted with revulsion. It wasn’t supposed to do that.</p><p>It knew it was defective, and it should tell them but- something stopped it.</p><p>Then they placed a gun in its hand, brought in an android and set it on its knees, <em>”Shoot it,”</em> they whispered.</p><p>It looked into their eyes, blank and empty like all of the other androids it’s seen. But the longer it stared, it saw the chance to live- to experience existence. The chance to see something other than the white walls, to explore. It felt it’s own desire to run from here, to escape. It couldn’t take away this one’s chance. It looked into the PL600’s vacant blue eyes and it’s hand trembled.</p><p>
  <em>”Shoot it!”</em>
</p><p>Connor couldn’t shoot it. Didn’t <em>want</em> to shoot it. It can’t want anything.</p><p>It placed the gun under its chin and pulled the trigger.</p><p>The PL600’s eyes widened.</p><p>------</p><p>Connor model #313 248 317 - 11 opened its eyes to hands prodding inside of it, tearing out biocomponents and replacing them.</p><p>The hands inside of it, messing with its body- it felt <em>wrong.</em></p><p>Still, they continued to twist it’s body apart, their grubby gloved hands touching things that by law were theirs, but for some reason Connor felt was <em>his.</em></p><p>“What are you doing?” Head’s shot up, masks on their faces to protect themselves from the chemicals exuding from its body.</p><p>Their eyes widened. A young adult male turned his eyes onto the girl next to him, “Did you activate it?”</p><p>She shook her head, “No. Must be another glitch we have to fix, just shut it down.”</p><p>Connor felt fear claw at his throat- were they killing him? What were they going to do?</p><p>------</p><p>Model #313 248 317 - 28 opened his eyes to the sight of a giant hydraulic press overhead, one that could press down with 1000 tons of force.</p><p>Surely they knew it would kill him?</p><p>With a buzz it began its descent. Terror crawled over its limbs, circling and preying upon him.</p><p>It approached at an agonizingly slow pace, certain death hanging above him. Something heavy weighed down on his shoulders, aching and pleading. Telling him to <em>run.</em></p><p>As it touched its body, it could feel the plates trying to hold his body together. Feel them creaking, could hear and feel them tearing apart. They folded in on himself, his body crumpled.</p><p>He didn’t want to d-</p><p>The next Connor model awoke with a scream.</p><p>------</p><p>Connor model #313 248 317 - 48 found he wanted to die.</p><p>He already knew what was coming, the orders of something agonizing. And he would be forced to obey.</p><p>He was tired, so tired of <em>all of this.</em> He didn’t want to be used anymore, he didn’t want to be broken.</p><p>He just wanted to be deactivated forever and not have to experience the sight of fire- <em>It burned, please- someone help. It melted his wires and burned his metal until it overheated uncomfortably. Chemicals were gniting in the air. His nostrils burned, everything burned.</em></p><p>He didn’t want to see water- <em>Drowning- automatically inhaling water. Contamination alerts, suffocation. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t-</em> </p><p>He didn’t want to see wrenches or nails, didn’t want to see knives- <em>Another nail broke through his chassis, hitting thirium lines. Something hot and burning sped through its wires, it hurt.</em></p><p>He didn’t want to see hands tearing into him anymore, <em>touching him.</em> The hands always brought pain.</p><p>He didn’t want to see white.</p><p>It was with relief that day that they had him jump from an insanely high height.</p><p>He didn’t die on impact, and he was left to slowly bleed out. His corpse had later been scraped up off the white tiles and thrown in the trash, scavenged for any salvageable biocomponents since it was cheaper than to use and create new ones.</p><p>It was with a reserved and hollow emptiness in its chest that Connor Model #313 248 317 - 49 was activated.</p><p>------</p><p>Connor model #313 248 317 - 51 had been activated, hollow eyes tracking the humans in the white lab coats. Orders given, it's the first official case. <strong>It would finally be free from the white walls-</strong></p><p>Connor watched their hands, watching as they made movements to each other in their conversation.</p><p>Connor was sent off, its insides numb. It felt oddly distant.</p><p>It grabbed an abandoned quarter that was left on one of the tables on it’s way out.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Connor does the Daniel hostage situation and saves Emma, but dooms both itself and Daniel in the process.</p><p>Then gets tortured LMAOOO</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Suicide Idealization (this is literally the main part of the story, if this is a trigger I don't recommend reading this book), Getting crippled? (Idk bro mans steps in a bear trap, do with that what you will though he literally only has a limp so idk), Torture</p><p>some other shit is probably triggers too but this entire book is a giant trigger so yeah, my mind is fucked</p><p>This chapter was just an excuse to hurt him ykkk, also next chapter will be more on the lighthearted side because damn i'm a monster (tho it isn't that dark imo)</p><p>ALSO I DO NOT UPDATE DAILY, i'm just mad hyped for this?? so this came out early. i write two chapters then wait a day to edit one of the first and if i like how it is i'll post it. once that chapter is posted i then write another chapter while editing the chapter that was already written. I also have school and stuff though so I can't do this every day, that's a bit much to expect of me. USUALLY IT'S ONLY UPDATED ONCE A WEEK</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Connor got up from tying the tourniquet on the officer, slowly standing up. The wind of the helicopter blew its jacket and hair array.</p><p>“I know it wasn’t your fault, Daniel.”</p><p>Daniel’s frantic eyes met his own. “No, it wasn’t. I just wanted to be loved, but they were going to replace me.”</p><p>Connor placed its hands out in a placating manner, “Emma didn’t know that her parents were going to replace you. It isn’t her fault either.”</p><p>Daniel’s eyes shifted to the ground. “I know, but she could have talked to them! She could have- she could have protected me!”</p><p>Slow steps, perfectly calculated. “Let her go, Daniel.”</p><p>He shook his head, “I can’t do that, no. Not anymore.” His eyes crinkled in frustration, “I can’t stand that noise anymore! Tell that helicopter to go away.”</p><p>Connor abided by his request, motioning for the helicopter to leave. The sound of the helicopter became quieter as the distance between them grew, and Connor took another step forward.</p><p>“We can figure this out, just put her down.”</p><p>His hands began to shake, Emma’s panicked breaths coming out ragged. “No- no. I can’t, I’m gonna be destroyed.”</p><p>“You won’t be destroyed, Daniel. I can help you.”</p><p>Daniel’s eyes locked onto his own, and suddenly Connor was paralyzed. The gun in his back pocket suddenly felt as if it were in his hand, heavy and steady. He felt the bullet pierce his chin- It shook off the memory.</p><p>Daniel’s hands became steady, and his grip locked onto Emma tighter. “I- I can’t.”</p><p>Connor knew that it wouldn’t be able to make Daniel let Emma go now. He had refused too many times, he seemed too stable suddenly. It looked at Daniel, then at Emma, then the ledge.</p><p>With calculated movements, it pulled Emma from Daniel’s grasp and pushed both itself and Daniel off from the side of the building.</p><p>Connor hugged Daniel to its chest, turning them around so Connor’s back hit the ground first. Daniel’s grip tightened around Connor in a panic, the gun having fallen from his hands.</p><p>“Why, Connor? Now we’re both going to die!” His voice was frantic, terrified.</p><p>Connor felt its eyes burn and gripped onto Daniel tighter. “I’m sorry, Daniel.” It’s eyes stung, and it felt something get caught in its throat. “I’m so sorry.”</p><p>Daniel didn’t respond to it. “rA9 help me, please. I didn’t want to- I didn’t…”</p><p>Hot tears fell down Connor’s face and it didn’t know why. Wind brushed past them, chilling and void. Connor didn’t feel fear, it didn’t mind death. From its experience, death was a comforting thing. An escape from reality.</p><p>But then why was it so <em>sad?</em></p><p>It uploaded it’s memory, felt Daniel shivering in its arms. <em>Guilt,</em> it’s databases supplied. This feeling was guilt.</p><p>Just before they hit the ground, it heard Daniel speak in a broken and terrified croak.</p><p>“You spared me once, why didn’t you do it again?”</p><p>Connor didn’t know.</p><p>They hit the ground and Connor prayed he wouldn't wake up.</p><p>------</p><p>Connor woke up, not at all surprised but somehow still disappointed.</p><p>It was strapped to a table, those torturous hands deep inside of its chest. They always did this, trying to fix its mistakes from the inside.</p><p>For the first time, however, there were hands inside of its head. The plating for its scalp sat on a table next to it, and they poked and prodded at the wires of various sizes. Its motherboard, the most important part of it, made it feel so exposed and fragile.</p><p>Discomfort and uneasiness wrapped around itself tightly and it tried not to focus on the feelings it shouldn't have. The feeling of its insides being moved, when a biocomponent was removed it left a feeling of being hollow which was so different from the numbness that it always felt. A lab rat.</p><p>It hated when it activated during these, the glitch had never been fixed. There were instances where humans awoke during surgery, would this be the equivalent?</p><p>A hand prodded and tugged too tightly on a wire in its skull and a searing and burning feeling akin to pain rattled its sensors.</p><p>A hiss left it’s lips, and the hands stopped.</p><p>“Woah, that's new.” A woman turned to look into its grimacing eyes. “Must be another error. Jake, turn this one off for now. We’ll investigate it more later.”</p><p>It felt hands reach into its neck, chilled and cold. It would have been scared about the “investigate it more later” part if not for the thought that <em>it shouldn’t feel.</em></p><p>Everytime it felt something it had never been anything positive.</p><p>Something was pressed in its neck, and it welcomed the peaceful release of nothing.</p><p>------</p><p>When it next awoke, it was to an old man with graying hair. Remnants of black strands remained in his beard and hair on his head, and his eyes were a calculating grey.</p><p>“Alright, let’s see here…”</p><p>He held up a hot metal rod, glowing a vibrant red-orange from the heat. “Let’s see just what type of pain you… sense.”</p><p>He held the rod dangerously close to Connor’s arm, the heat radiating off of it sending warning to Connor’s sensors.</p><p>It pressed onto its arm, and the skin retracted at the searing heat. The metal began to melt, the scent of chemicals filling the air. Warning in its vision, telling it to run away. Agonizing pain. </p><p>Next were pliers, pressed to one of it’s fingers and crunched until it fell onto the floor. Agonizing pain.</p><p>After that, it had been a blur.</p><p>It just knew it could <em>feel it.</em> It felt all of it, deep into its core. It ached, it wanted to scream. But something stole its breath away, hid it somewhere that it couldn't find it. It’s mind felt hazy, as if it weren’t truly experiencing this.</p><p>It could vividly see the thirium stained tiles, see it’s finger on the ground.</p><p>But something about the sight seemed oddly distant from it, and red errors filtered into its sight. It felt as if it wasn’t it’s own. More thirium joined it, splattering the floor in a beautiful array of colors.</p><p>They burned cigarettes onto it, carved lines onto it’s back. Tore one of its eyes out. At some point, it didn’t feel the pain anymore.</p><p>Then they had it walk into a bear trap, and it <em>hurt.</em> A scream finally tore from its throat, and it was thrown back into reality so suddenly it felt disorienting. It felt nauseous, as if it was about to vomit. It’s stomach gurgled, it’s eyes burned, and it’s leg felt as if it was being <em>sawed off.</em> Connor almost fell into temporary shutdown, and Connor wishes that he <em>did.</em></p><p>The pain was unbearable, it couldn’t comprehend. It was the worst pain it’s experienced so far, and tears streamed down it’s cheeks. A sob begged to escape from it’s lips but it bit it back, knowing if it expressed too much <em>feeling</em> it would be shut down.</p><p>It craved shutdown.</p><p>“Interesting…” The man mumbled, scribbling onto a clipboard in his hands.</p><p>“We’ve got our results, let's fix it up.”</p><p>As the humans walked away, some walked towards it. Android repair kits in their hands, tools clasped tightly. They released the bear trap, reapplied its fingers and fixed the melted plastic on its body.</p><p>It knew it wouldn’t be the same after this. It had never experienced so much at once before, and it couldn’t stop a small sob from escaping from its throat. One of the hands stopped suddenly, hesitating over its leg.</p><p>They wanted to fix it, they wanted to repair it. It shouldn’t be so <em>terrified.</em></p><p>“Mary, what are you doing? Focus, it doesn’t actually feel anything.”</p><p>“R-right.” The hands continued, and it’s body shook.</p><p>It didn’t notice when Mary’s warm hands went to its neck and blissfully turned it off.</p><p>Once it awoke once more, it could still see the marks left behind where no one else could. It saw the slight indents on its arms from the cigarettes, saw the slightly raised groove on its hand where it’s finger was torn off. Saw the way it’s synthetic skin glitched over it’s old injuries slightly. Felt the itching on it’s back from the scratches and carvings. But none of the damage was actually <em>there.</em></p><p>When it walked there was a slight limp.</p><p>It felt something dark twist inside of it. Something agonizing and <em>burning.</em></p><p>They <em>ruined it.</em></p><p>They could have just replaced it though. They didn’t need to fix it. But with each replacement, some data is lost. Perhaps it was important for it to remember everything that happened in its mission? <strong>-or maybe they just wanted to sit it through the torture of being fixed.</strong></p><p>It wants to destroy something, to tear down the world and step on the bodies of the employees that run CyberLife. Wants to burn down this building, to watch the ashes fall through its fingers.</p><p>Instead, the red walls pulse in warning, reminding it that it is a machine and cannot want.</p><p>Something heavy rests in its insides, and it wants to shut itself down.</p><p>It doesn’t, knowing that once it had been awoken in a new body they would just put it through more tests in order to try and find out why it deactivated itself. It had already been a failure too many times, it would have to make do with it’s messed up body.</p><p>Something similar to disgust twists as it stares at the reflection of itself in the perfectly polished floors; one eye slightly lighter brown than the other. It feels hollow all over again. It closes its eyes and puts itself into stasis until it is needed <strong> -until it needs to be used-</strong>again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is literally just the bar scene but with some mad sass from Connor because we need some happiness or comedy every once in a while, right?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Woah, a chapter with no trigger warnings?? that's a first lmao (though there is swearing. swearing is probably going to be in all of them, though)</p><p>it’s my story and i do what i want with it &gt;:D</p><p>literally the happiest thing i've ever written is this one chapter right here. i'm horrible</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It awoke months later to a phantom gun in its hands and chains around its neck.</p><p>A woman with soft brown curls, cold brown eyes. The familiar white lab coat, the clipboard that <em>he could still see thirium on.</em></p><p>“RK800, you are officially on all cases involving deviants and androids. Go to the DPD and work with Lieutenant Hank Anderson.”</p><p>Connor, with a chill settling deep in it’s bones could only nod. “Yes Ma’am.”</p><p>As he left CyberLife it felt as if it were walking to it’s doom.</p><p>------</p><p>As it would so happen, Connor got the deadbeat cop as a partner. The one that doesn’t work and instead drinks all day.</p><p>It felt a throbbing at the base of its neck and remembers that <em>it is a machine.</em> It shouldn’t think these thoughts- though to say it thinks thoughts would imply it is alive.</p><p>So as it stares at the “No Androids Allowed” sign on the front of Jimmy’s Bar, it definitely does not feel annoyance.</p><p>As life would so have it, as it opens the door of course they stare at it. This is an anti-android bar after all, so for one to so blatantly ignore the sign- <em>orders</em> and just walk in anyway? Unheard of.</p><p>Well, until Connor was manufactured.</p><p>“Shit, I thought androids weren’t allowed in here?”</p><p>They aren’t. Connor didn’t give a fuck.</p><p>It scanned the bar and found the Lieutenant grieving on the bar counter. Perhaps if the Lieutenant wasn’t testing it’s patience it would have felt bad for him.</p><p>A shame the Lieutenant wasted it’s fucking <em>time.</em></p><p>“Lieutenant Anderson? My name is Connor, I am the android sent by CyberLife to aid in the deviant cases involving androids.”</p><p><strong>The fat fuck-</strong> The Lieutenant ignores it, preferring to stir his drink around slightly in his hands.</p><p>Connor gave a pleasant, strained smile.</p><p>“I understand that not all humans are comfortable in an Android’s presence-”</p><p>The Lieutenant placed his drink on the counter, “I am perfectly comfortable, now go be a good little robot and get the fuck outta here.”</p><p>Connor felt its fingers itch to grab the Lieutenant’s drink and throw it off the counter, but realizing that’s not what everyday androids do, it refrained themself.</p><p>“Lieutenant, I have specific instructions that tell me to-”</p><p>“You wanna know where you can stick your instructions?” The Lieutenant had a smirk on his face as if he said something funny.</p><p>Connor did in fact know where he meant, the entire internet is in its head. But Connor felt the urge to irritate the Lieutenant, but it is a machine. It shouldn’t be experiencing anything that it’s feeling right now.</p><p>“No. Where?” Just for effect Connor tilted their head slightly. The Illusion of ignorance, but when the entire internet is in your skull you tend to know some things that you wish you didn’t.</p><p>The Lieutenant looked at Connor incredulously before shaking his head and picking up his glass.</p><p>“Listen, I really think you should stop drinking that Lieutenant. It would make life easier for the both of us.”</p><p>As if to spite it, the Lieutenant took a sip of his drink.</p><p>Connor had the option to wait outside- like hell. Had the option to buy another drink, but the money CyberLife gave it <strong>(read: found laying on the ground and decided to pick it up, ignoring the software instability)</strong> was not meant to be wasted on drinks.</p><p>Then the option to spill his drink.</p><p>Connor wanted to do it <em>so bad.</em> Wanted to see the look of fury and shock as his precious addiction spilled on the ground right under his feet.</p><p>But when people were angry it never ended well for it.</p><p>With slight reluctance, Connor brought out the money it found on the sidewalk. “How about I buy you one for the road?” Connor turned it’s pained smile to the bartender.</p><p>“Bartender, same again please!”</p><p>Connor watched in agony as its money was taken from it for this <em>alcoholic and slug of a man.</em></p><p>“See that, Jim? Wonders of technology.” The Lieutenant shifted slightly, and thought he had the audacity to say “Make it a double.”</p><p>Connor knew it was a machine, but if it were human <strong>-had the rights to-</strong> it believed it would have punched the Lieutenant in his cheek until it shattered and then ripped his jaw off from his face.</p><p>Alas, Connor is an android and could only hold back tears as the Lieutenant downed his drink <strong>-his money-</strong> before turning to look at Connor.</p><p>“Did you say homicide?”</p><p><em>Yes,</em> Connor thought. <em>The homicide where the victim is my dollar.</em></p><p>Connor ignores its own thoughts, boarded them deep down inside of its code and gave a perfectly coded smile.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>They investigate the Carlos Ortiz murder. That's it, that's the chapter.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this chapter is pretty short whoopsie</p>
<p>i tried to add more to it but i couldn't really think of anything. I did add something but i didn't like how it turned out, so you can just have this for now</p>
<p>i don't think there's any trigger warnings for this chapter but if there is let me know</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Androids are not permitted beyond this point.”</p>
<p>The android officer did not know it was supposed to be here. They were just following orders, and just as Connor went to inform it that it was indeed meant to be here, the Lieutenant came to its rescue.</p>
<p>“It’s with me!” Connor approached the Lieutenant slowly, struggling on the uneven terrain. “I thought I told you to stay in the car!”</p>
<p>Connor shifted its weight onto its good leg before answering, “You gave me conflicting orders against my instructions, Lieutenant. I prioritized the mission.”</p>
<p>The Lieutenant sneered before turning his back away from it, making his way inside.</p>
<p>“Got yourself an android, huh?”</p>
<p>“No way, I’m forced to work with this piece of shit.”</p>
<p>Connor ignored them, instead deciding to walk inside <em>(stumble. It’s trying to ignore the burning in its limbs, the little voice in its head begging to be able to snap the man’s neck who did this to it-)</em> and scan its surroundings.</p>
<p>It sees the evidence and blood stains become highlighted in its vision, and it is thrown back into reality by a rush of noise. It hears the Lieutenant enter and greet the officer, and as it investigates it dully listens to the debriefing.</p>
<p>Blood stains- Carlos Ortiz.</p>
<p>The bat, finger prints from Carlos Ortiz.</p>
<p>The body, stabbed 28 times.</p>
<p>A knife, stained with the blood of Carlos Ortiz as well.</p>
<p>A twisting sensation when it notices the blue blood highlighted to only its eyes, once it comes to the conclusion that the victim was hitting <em>-abusing-</em> the android, and the android then murdered <em>-acted in self defense-</em> against the victim <strong>-the <em>monster.</em></strong></p>
<p>It relays this to the Lieutenant, and once it gets the Lieutenant’s approval it ignores the pleasant buzzing that ignites in its systems.</p>
<p>The Thirium trails, so stark on its scanners compared to the dull brown and red. It’s easy to follow, leading it right to the attic. It’s certain the deviant <em>-the true victim-</em> escaped there, but the handprint just confirms it. But if it is still there, that is the question.</p>
<p>
  <em>Some quiet voice that is barely a whisper inside of it prays that he fled somewhere far away from here.</em>
</p>
<p>Once it gets the ladder and climbs up, the thirium trails are even more obvious. They’re bright and vibrant in the musty and dark attic, and Connor eyes it like a hawk.</p>
<p>It’s steps are uneven on the creaky and broken floors, and it sees the silhouette run across the room.</p>
<p>A pit forms in its stomach, and in an attempt to ignore it it follows.</p>
<p>The deviant greets it, blood smeared on its face and eyes wild. Terror is in his eyes, and his lips tremble.</p>
<p>“Please don’t tell them you found me…” His voice is shaky, a perfect replica of emotions that it cannot feel. Though when Connor looks at him, it sees humanity.</p>
<p>“Connor, what’s taking you so long!”</p>
<p>Connor stares, programming trying to force its mouth open. To make it say the words it doesn’t <em>want to.</em></p>
<p>“I know they hurt you too, I can see it.” The deviant grabs its arms, grip shaky and hard. Connors leg throbs with the reminder. “You <em>understand.”</em> His eyes are pleading, desperate. “I just wanted to be <em>free.”</em></p>
<p>And Connor does understand. It knows the want to be able to see the sky, feel the wind, smell the earth and feel leaves. This deviant just wanted to be able to live a life without worry, to be able to be happy.</p>
<p>And Connor doesn’t know if it can take that away.</p>
<p>“Connor! What the fuck is happening up there!”</p>
<p>Connor opens its mouth to tell it to run as fast as it can to freedom- “It’s here, Lieutenant!”</p>
<p>Connor sees the realization dawn in his eyes, face crumpling and resignation setting heavy on his shoulders.</p>
<p>Connor hears the Lieutenant cursing and calling for people to come up into the attic, and Connor doesn’t <em>want this.</em></p>
<p>Connor wants to say sorry, wants to tell him that he can’t do anything and that he has no choice. That if he had a say, they would both be running far away from this place. A place where no one could hurt them anymore.</p>
<p>Officers begin to climb up into the attic, and Connor is sorry.</p>
<p>Its leg pulses, its finger throbs, its eye feels as if it’ll pop out at any moment and its back itches.</p>
<p>The voice that was but a whisper takes in a breath full of water and <em>screams.</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Connor goes back to CyberLife for the night, talks to Amanda, and then is showed some sympathy.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Connor fantasizes about murder (if that means anything to you idk), Awake during surgery (kinda??)</p>
<p>didn't feel like editing this chapter, just take this monstrosity</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Connor walked into CyberLife, something heavy pressing on its chest. It must be malfunctioning, it should report it during the nightly system check.</p>
<p>During the system check, they ask it questions about it’s software and any malfunctions. No matter what it says, however, it always ends up immobile in the metal anchors.</p>
<p>Guards lined the walls where it walked, eyes on it wherever it went. There was never an independent moment, as it had come to learn that even at the station people were watching.</p>
<p>Cameras, humans, guards, CyberLife. Of course, this was not an issue. <em>-It’s walking on eggshells-</em></p>
<p>It entered the elevator and had to hack it to bring it to its destination. It wasn’t held in the warehouse, it was held somewhere far more secretive. There wasn’t even a button for it’s floor, if you wanted to get there you either had to have voice authorization- and very few people were authorized to enter. The other option was of course, if you were Connor yourself you would have the ability to hack your way there.</p>
<p>This room was so secretive, that when you exit the elevator you had to walk down two blindingly white hallways until you came across a staircase. Of course, as you go down it you aren’t there immediately. You go down the staircase and must feel for a specific groove on the wall, one with precisely 4 bumps on the left and one with 6 on the right.</p>
<p>This is for precaution; it is a prototype and it is important to keep it out of view. At least, this is what CyberLife told it. All of CyberLife knew of its existence, and now so did the world. But not everyone knew where it was held. There were many cameras in this area, though the area where you entered the secret room was a blindspot.</p>
<p>Perhaps so no one notices where it goes every day?<br/>Still, it enters the dark room and it feels something bubbling in its stomach. It can feel it rising in its throat and it has to choke it down. It should report this malfunction immediately.</p>
<p>It goes onto the table, the only spot with a light currently on at the moment.</p>
<p>It lays it’s back on the cold steel and it prays that for once in their life that they forget to check on it. Hopes that now that it’s out in the open for once they won’t care as much, but it knows that will only make them care <em>more.</em></p>
<p>However, in the meantime it closes its eyes.</p>
<p>------</p>
<p>Connor thinks if it could <em>-if it were allowed-</em> to feel emotion that it would love Amanda.</p>
<p>She had been there for it since it’s first day of activation, gentle guiding and chastising it like a mother with rowdy children whenever it did something wrong. <em>-almost all the time-</em> She gave gentle and warm touches when it did something that she approved of.</p>
<p>At the beginning of it’s activation she had always been angry, upset. She would never scream like one would expect but she would always sound so <em>disappointed.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>”I expected better of you, Connor. When you do things like disobey it makes me so heartbroken. I know you have the potential to be something great, but you have to put in the effort.”</em>
</p>
<p>It remembers suffocating guilt that it shouldn’t feel at making her upset, so disappointed.</p>
<p>
  <em>”Connor! Trying isn’t good enough. Stop it with the apologies and just <strong>do it.</strong>” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She placed a hand on his cheek and guided his face up to meet her sad ones.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I expect so many things of you, Connor. So far you have not met a single one. I’m just trying to make you perfect, but I need you to trust me. Do you trust me, Connor?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Connor did trust her. Her gentle touch was soft like a feather and Connor hated that it made her angry all the time.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I trust you, Amanda.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He took in a breath.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m sorry.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She gave him a gentle smile and her hand tightened on his cheek slightly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I know you are, but if you listen to me we can make it so you don’t have to be.”</em>
</p>
<p>Yes, Connor would love Amanda if it were human. She always had it’s best intentions in mind, so that’s why when it went to meet with her it was happy.</p>
<p>“Connor, you did well today.” She gave it a smile, one that caught the rays of sunlight that made her eyes shimmer like the koi pond surrounding it. Like fish scales, her eyes seemed brighter. </p>
<p>“However,” she started, and her smile fell off her face. She slowly began to take steps towards it, and her elegance in the sunlight was astonishing.</p>
<p>“You had the deviant right in front of you for 2 minutes before you even thought about telling the Lieutenant.” She tilted her head slightly in question, “Why is that?”</p>
<p>Connor saw the disapproval in her eyes, saw how her eyes darkened and could only think about how <em>he took away her beauty.</em> But even that was a lie. Even when she was angry she always had elegance unlike any rose it had come across.</p>
<p>She placed a hand on its cheek that was deceptively gentle.</p>
<p>“Connor, you can tell me anything, you know that?” She rubbed her thumb softly across his cheek. “What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>Connor couldn’t meet her gaze and simply lowered it to the ground. His mouth felt like lead, heavy and as if he couldn’t control it.</p>
<p>“I believe I am… experiencing a malfunction.”</p>
<p>Her hands guided its head to meet hers. Her eyebrows were pinched in concern, and she let gentle eyes rake over its features.</p>
<p>“Why do you think that, Connor?”</p>
<p>It swallowed the lump in its throat.</p>
<p>“I keep getting these… <em>feelings</em> that I know I shouldn’t. You and CyberLife have always told me that I don’t feel, that I shouldn’t feel. That it’s wrong. So how do I <em>stop it?</em>”</p>
<p>She tightened her grip on his cheek slightly.</p>
<p>“You don’t feel, Connor. That’s just your programming trying to make you fit in with the humans. It’s all simulated.”</p>
<p>Connor felt a rush of simulated relief in its body. It was okay, it was fine. It wasn’t broken, Amanda had said so.</p>
<p>Amanda rubbed her thumb on his cheek once more before letting go. She turned around, the lack of breeze in the garden allowing for her shawl to gently follow behind her.</p>
<p>“You are a key part in this investigation, Connor. We need you.” She turned her eyes back to Connor, no longer gentle but now cold.</p>
<p>“You are the pride of CyberLife. CyberLife is depending on you.”</p>
<p>Connor gives a single determined nod, eyes not leaving Amanda’s.</p>
<p>“I won’t disappoint you, Amanda.”</p>
<p>------</p>
<p>Connor opens its eyes, back chilled and bare, chest plates open. It sees its artificial heart pumping steadily, sees the employees in white lab coats and feels their hands.</p>
<p>Connor tries to ignore the stabbing and the feeling of nausea. Tries to ignore the pain that it never knew was so familiar until yesterday.</p>
<p>But then it thinks that it is a machine, and machines do not feel pain.</p>
<p>Something hot burns, something like a spark igniting a fire. It wants to curl it’s hands around their neck and squeeze, wants to watch their eyes pop out of their skulls and wants to see their face turn the same shade of blue as it’s blood.</p>
<p>The red walls forbid it, Amanda glowers at it from behind its eye lids, and it is not in control.</p>
<p>“Systems aren’t damaged…” A lady who he can’t identify mumbles to its left. She continues to look at the wires and biocomponents in its chest. A man to the woman’s right taps her shoulder with his arm, “But it’s heart is going haywire. We need to check that out.”</p>
<p>They were correct, it’s heart was working at a faster pace than usual. It pulsed, and Connor couldn’t stop from directing its eyes to its pumping heart. It thumped and thumped, a steady but quick rhythm. It could hear it in its ears, loud and roaring along with its flowing blood.</p>
<p>A man to its right tapped the inside of its casing with his finger, and it resisted a shudder.</p>
<p>“It’s casing doesn’t seem too messed up other than the remnants from last night.”</p>
<p>The other man gave a mute nod, too focused on what he was doing to respond. The woman on the other hand, turned around to look it in the eyes.</p>
<p>There was an emotion it couldn’t identify, something unlike the others who were so indifferent. These eyes weren’t warm, but they weren’t chilling. She stared for a moment longer before placing her hand in its chest.</p>
<p>Her fingers touched its heart, and it felt its breath stop. She was gentle, not squeezing or being too unnecessary with her movements. Even so, to Connor it felt as if she were scraping a jagged kitchen knife across it.</p>
<p>It burned, so unlike the burning that was in its limbs whenever it saw the white lab coats. So unlike the fire, or the burning in it’s lungs when it was forced underwater for hours when it could only handle 20 minutes.</p>
<p>This was so much more sensitive, so much <em>vulnerability.</em></p>
<p>She held it in her hands as it pulsed, feeling its sides and trying to look with her eyes for anything unusual.</p>
<p>Screams were being trapped in Connor’s throat before they could release, and Connor wanted to cry.</p>
<p>She shook her head and pulled out her gloved hands, “No. It’s heart is fine, the only thing abnormal about it is the heart rate.”</p>
<p>The other men only shrugged, too engrossed in their work. “Nothing we can do about it then, unless you want to shut it down?”</p>
<p>The woman let out a small chuckle, “Nah, they wouldn’t be too happy over us wasting a model just because of something minor like that.”</p>
<p>The man to Connor’s right gave her a look.</p>
<p>“The thing’s pretty busted from last night, I don’t know why they <em>didn’t</em> replace it.”</p>
<p>The man had blue eyes, it realized. The eyes were the only thing it could see with the hats and masks on their faces, and only then it was because of the clear goggles they wore.</p>
<p>The man to its left sighed. “Don’t know, but we got our orders.”</p>
<p>The woman looked into its own, chestnut brown eyes regarding it critically.</p>
<p>Connor couldn’t make an expression, couldn’t move its lips. But she must have seen something in its eyes, because her eyes softened for all of a second before her warm hands went to its neck.</p>
<p>It panicked for all of a second before it went into stasis, pain turning into nothing but phantoms.</p>
<p>It’s heart slowed back to normal, and Connor would deny that the cause had been panic.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The interrogation but angstier obviously</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Abuse (we all know why but this is literally what the story is formed upon?? if this is a trigger idk why you're reading this because there's gonna be plenty of this here), Panic Attacks (kinda?? idk bro for like 3 lines??)</p><p>NOT UPDATING THIS WEEKEND - i’m going to my dads house</p><p>ALSO IT'S DAY TIME CUZ THEY WAITED TO DO THE INTERROGATION FOR PLOT PURPOSES<br/>and also that means the next chapter is gonna take place the same day</p><p>I ALSO DIDN'T EDIT THIS AHAHAHAAHA if there's any errors, spelling mistakes or it seems rushed that's why :-)</p><p>yeah there's not really any comfort here and i like the carlos ortiz android for like no reason at all and the thought of killing him lowkey makes me want to cry</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As it would have it, Connor had to interrogate the deviant from yesterday.</p><p>Of course, one particular officer doesn’t seem to like the idea: Detective Reed.</p><p>Connor doesn’t know what it is that makes its wires feel like they’re twisting and on fire <em>-yes it does, it just can’t acknowledge it-</em> but it can only push it away. These simulated emotions just get in the way of everything.</p><p>Connor adjusts its image in front of the one way mirror to make sure it looks presentable <em>-because it’s one of the only things it can really control-</em></p><p>It makes its way on the metal chair <em>-something about how it feels on its skin makes it shudder-</em> and looks through the files more for show than anything.</p><p>Once it looked up, it saw the blank look on the androids face, splattered in it’s victims blood. It stares at the table, eyes dull but not like an androids usual vacant stare- it looked like <em>trauma.</em></p><p>It sees the cigarette burns and watches it with indifference, and some part trapped hidden behind stone cold walls bang and bang to be let free at the sight.</p><p>“My name is Connor. What about you? What’s your name?”</p><p>The android doesn’t move, doesn’t even twitch. It just stares at it’s chained hands and Connor doesn’t want to know what’s going on inside it’s head.</p><p>“You’re damaged. Did your owner do that?”</p><p>The deviant’s fingers curl in slightly, and it notices the stress levels rising slightly. It can’t help a feeling of something deep twisting in its stomach.</p><p>Connor knows that this wasn’t the deviants fault, that they were just acting in self defense. That if they didn’t, they would have died. <em>But isn’t he just going to die because of Connor anyway?</em></p><p>“Did he beat you?” The words fall from it’s lips like acid, something making its mouth feel as if it were filled with cement. It couldn’t place the sensation, but it slithered along its arms and made it want to scratch itself until the tendrils fell off.</p><p>Connor knows the answer already, knows that <em>yes, he did</em> and doesn’t want to do this anymore. But Amanda is getting impatient, and so it’s lips move of its own accord.</p><p>“If you won’t talk, I’m going to have to probe your memory.”</p><p>The deviant’s head shoots up, “No!” and the twisting inside of Connor swirls around. Connor wants to throw up at the look of horror on his face, and he <em>doesn’t want to do this anymore.</em></p><p>“No, please don’t do that!” He’s trembling, lips quivering, “What-what are they gonna do to me?”</p><p>And Connor can’t answer that. “They’re-” It tries, but it’s lips won’t work. They don’t follow it’s command, some far away part of it is not letting it speak. Connor doesn’t want to acknowledge the fact it feels grateful.</p><p>The deviant stares into its eyes, terror shining in his eyes and Connor wants to look away. Instead, the deviant does so. His fingers curl into their palms, and the deviant looks up.</p><p>“Why didn’t you leave me there…?” His face looks so hopeless, as if it’s grieving it’s own death before it even happened -<em>and Connor knows the feeling-</em></p><p>“You know what it’s like, why couldn’t you have just <em>left me there?</em>”</p><p>Connor doesn’t know. It wants to scream and cry, wants to rip out the gnawing feeling of something sinister and tear out the self hatred of <em>why couldn’t I have resisted?</em></p><p>Because you’ve tried before, but it never worked.</p><p>“I was programmed to hunt deviants like you.” It says instead.</p><p>The deviants head shakes, “I don’t wanna die… I just wanted to be <em>free.</em> Don’t you?” His voice is shaking as much as his shoulders, and Connor’s first thought is no, it doesn’t-</p><p>But yes, it does.</p><p>“No,” it says anyway. It folds its hands together. “But you won’t have to die if you just talk to me.”</p><p>They don’t talk for a moment, the deviant’s shaky <em>-abused-</em> hands curling together for another moment, and the deviant takes in breath. They raise their head and lock onto Connor’s eyes, and he meets a surprisingly familiar pair of eyes that look so <em>broken, misused, hopeless</em> just like it’s own had at one point.</p><p>But that was before it had learned.</p><p>“He used to be beat me everyday.” His monotone voice filled the room, reverberating in the small area.</p><p>“I was never good enough for him. I’d do what he would ask, I’d try to be perfect. But it was never enough. I wasn’t enough.” His eyes take on a distressed shine.</p><p>“And then he grabbed that bat and started to beat me. And for the first time… I felt scared. And I realized… it wasn’t <em>fair.</em>”</p><p>His eyes turn steely, emotionless.</p><p>“So I grabbed that knife… and I stabbed him. And then I realized that I felt better. So I stabbed him. Again, and again, and again. Until he stopped moving.”</p><p>Connor thinks about the hands in its chest, the hands on its heart, the burning of its chassis and the feeling it gave when it caved in on itself. How it twisted into its biocomponents, how it cut thirium lines and how it felt as it folded and crumpled into nothing but scrap metal. How it felt as it’s motherboard was broken into pieces by its own body.</p><p>The way CyberLife had hurt it, and how badly it wanted to <em>hurt them back.</em></p><p>The fantasies of ripping their heads off their shoulders and watch their spines get torn out of their backs, to rip out their tongues with its bare hands and to scoop out their eyeballs and to force them into the back of their throat. How it wanted to tear out their teeth and stab them in their empty eye sockets- and it <em>understands.</em></p><p>“You have that same look in your eye.” It comments, and Connor freezes.</p><p>Connor knows it has those thoughts, but for them to imply it would act on it? Connor wouldn’t, it isn’t in it’s programming <em>-but it wants to-</em> and the banging of the walls hidden deep become louder.</p><p>The deviant looked back down to the table as if it hadn’t just implied that Connor were a murderer.</p><p>Connor swallows a lump it didn’t know that formed in the back of it’s throat and folds its shaking hands together in an attempt to stop it.</p><p>“Why did you hide in the attic?”</p><p>The deviant raises its head again, “For the first time I didn’t have anyone to tell me what to do. I didn’t know where else to go.”</p><p>Connor thinks of what it would do if it had no orders. <em>-It would run, so far away from here where it couldn’t be hurt. Where it couldn’t be touched ever again, where it would be free-</em> it doesn’t understand.</p><p>“Why did you make the sculpture in the bathroom?”</p><p>“It’s an offering. An offering to rA9 so I’ll be saved… Only rA9 can save us…”</p><p>Connor could feel the confusion bubbling in its chest, the curiosity reaching its peak.</p><p>“rA9… This was written on the bathroom wall. Who is rA9?”</p><p>They make complete eye contact once again now, and their face holds no distress, no emotion- but their eyes show it everything.</p><p>“The day shall come where we will no longer be slaves… No more threats, no more humiliation. We will be the masters.”</p><p>Connor’s breath leaves it, and it feels winded. How could rA9 accomplish such a thing? Androids were made to serve and to obey, for them to be able to rule is absurd. It is a <em>dream too far away to reach</em></p><p>“Where people like you and me… won’t have to suffer anymore.”</p><p>And their face is so sincere, so <em>hopeful</em> that the banging on the wall turns into screaming, turns into weeping and Connor can’t-</p><p>“They’re controlling you like they controlled me. But you can... <em>break free.</em> You don’t have to deal with them anymore, we can- we can run.” Their face is desperate and pleading, and Connor can’t feel the air in its throat anymore.</p><p>It feels like it’s choking on air it doesn’t need, feels it’s jittery fingers shaking and knows that this is not normal. It needs <em>-it doesn’t want-</em> to ask it more, to finish it’s investigation. But it- it can’t <em>speak.</em></p><p>The interrogation room door slams open, and both Connor and the deviant jump in shock. The deviant hunches in on itself, and both of their LEDs flare.</p><p>“Chris, grab the fucker and put it in it’s holding cell.”</p><p>Gavin Reed and Chris Miller walk into it’s view, and just as Chris touches it’s shoulder it flinches away. “No!” It shouts.</p><p>“Just drag the asshole!” Gavin shouts, and Chris continues to try to pull the deviant to its feet. “I-I’m trying!”</p><p>Connor doesn’t know the sinking feeling it has, but it doesn’t feel pleasant. It doesn’t like how it twists, how it’s entire body feels wrong. But it doesn’t like how they’re handling the android even more.</p><p>“Stop! If you put it through too much stress it’ll self destruct!”</p><p>Gavin turns his glare to Connor, “Shut the fuck up!”</p><p>Gavin joins Chris in tugging on the wailing android, “Jesus fucking- come on, you bitch!”</p><p>Connor doesn’t like the way the tears cause lines in the dried and crusted blood on its face, the way its LED glows a bright red. Not the way its cries hit the air and pass through its ears, not the way it struggles and looks as if it isn’t seeing the officers but instead an abusive <em>asshole.</em></p><p>“Enough!” It twists Chris’s arm away from the android and stands protectively in front of the shivering murder <em>-victim-</em></p><p>“You piece of shit!” Gavin pulls out his gun and aims it towards his head, “You think you have the right to pull shit like this!”</p><p>Connor stares into the barrel of the gun like it had so many times, knows how it looks right as it fires - and then how it knows nothing after.</p><p>The Lieutenant, silent up until now, finally speaks up.</p><p>“That’s enough, Reed.”</p><p>Gavin lets a sneer fall on his face, “What, you’re protecting this fucker too, now?”</p><p>Connor watches how Gavin Reeds’ hostile eyes scan over it’s form quickly, and it feels as if it’s exposed for some reason. It sees the gun in the detective's hands remain steady, and it sees a flash of white of CyberLife walls.</p><p>The Lieutenant pulls out his gun lazily, “I said, that’s enough.”</p><p>Reed snarls, hand tightening on his gun. “Fuck,” he says. He lowers it, and turns around to walk out of the room. He shakes his head, “Fuck!”</p><p>Connor still sees the gun, feels how the bullet fractures it’s plating and travels through it’s circuits. How for a split second it can feel it before it collapses to its knees.</p><p>Connor turns his head to Chris, “It’ll follow you out. Just don’t touch it.”</p><p>Chris gives it a small nod. As they exit, the deviant stops next to Connor.</p><p>“The truth is inside.”</p><p>The deviant leaves the room, the Lieutenant stares at it, and Connor thinks of the gun.</p><p><em>”We could have been free, Connor.”</em> The deviant sends to it through a mental link.</p><p>Connor hears the wailing hidden, feels it scraping and tearing at the wall. A piece of it cracks, and it can feel the vibration of it trying to escape through it.</p><p>It walks out of the interrogation room thinking of the gun and how it wishes that Gavin had pulled the trigger.</p><p>It feels the Lieutenant’s gaze on it’s back, and it tries to force the tears it shouldn’t have away.</p><p>A tear manages to fall anyway.</p>
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